Dealing with the Loss of a Beloved Pet

When death snatches away a beloved pet, it is a devastating moment for the pet-parent. It is akin to losing a child you have nurtured, loved, played with and scolded. Just as death is inevitable so is the grief that engulfs you when a life is snatched away. I have always come across well-meaning people and well-intended articles on pet-care that advise you to be “prepared”. Frankly, I have never quite understood that. How do you prepare for death? How do you tell yourself to think with your head and not feel with your heart when the bond that you share with your pet is so attached to your heart strings? How do you immunize yourself against emotion?

As my three lovely Setters grew older, the fear of losing one or the other was not omnipresent but existed somewhere at the back of my mind. And then one day in April last year, it happened. Baloo, my 10 year old Irish Setter, and my first baby, had a bloat attack. An emergency visit to the vet did not help and for three excruciatingly painful hours we watched the life-breath being drawn away from him. I was overtaken by grief, loss, by a surge of emotion that was so strong that I felt totally drained of rational thought. Looking back, it seems impossible to be ‘prepared’ or have a well-thought-out plan for dealing with that overwhelming surge of pain.  When the tears had dried up – and believe me, I never thought it was possible to shed so much of them! – the heartache still didn’t go away.

The aftermath is even worse: when you begin to “think” your way out of grief. Especially, when death is not a cause of a string of illnesses or natural causes, guilt inevitably kicks in at some point. The mind forces you to think through the events and the blame game begins. Did my actions trigger it off? Could I have done things differently? What if...There is always a series of ‘what-ifs’ that’s very difficult to answer post-hoc and only adds to the feeling of despair. In such a situation, the response of your close family members – who shared the bond with the pet – is crucial. The process of grieving helps you bond as a family and helps you heal together.

In the wake of Baloo’s passing I believe the following actions helped us heal and accept the fact that our hearts refused to: that our beloved Baloo has gone, forever.

·         Spending time talking about the happy moments we had shared with Baloo.

·         We chose to cremate Baloo and scatter his ashes in the places where he loved to run and play.  We retained a bit and buried it in our lawn and built a small memorial where we sometimes light a candle or place some flowers. Or just spend a few quiet moments thinking about the creature that had entered our lives and given us so much joy.

·         Giving away his toys and other possessions (bed, clothes, food bowl) to a shelter that cares for stray animals.

·         I still find it hard to look at the video footage that we had shot of Baloo a few hours before he died (when he was hale and hearty). But older photographs of a younger Baloo give us a sense of peace – and an assurance that his spirit still lives on.

·         Writing about our time with Baloo and sharing it with friends who knew him and loved him and other dog-lover acquaintances can be quite comforting as well.

There is no easy way to get over a pet’s loss and every person’s experience is unique – that’s what the human experience is all about. Tomorrow (9^th January) would have been Baloo’s 11^th birthday. May his soul rest in peace!